Monday, July 11, 2011

All great milestones demand...

All great milestones demand that we take time to reflect on the past, evaluate where we are currently and perhaps even reorient our future direction.  I am at such a milestone.  It is with not a small bit of sadness that I report that I turned 40 upon my last birthday.  I think those of you who are younger will thank God you are not me, while those of you who are older will think I am being a baby.  The truth is you probably don’t really care how many times I have been spun around the sun, and neither would I if it were not me we were talking about. 
“Oh honey, don’t worry.  In your 40’s you leave behind narcissistic tendencies and you embrace who you are.”  Advice from a stranger given so freely and with so broad a sweep.   I do not even know what to do with that golden nugget!  Narcissism, did I have it?  Embrace who I am, can I do it?  And even trickier, can I embrace myself and not be narcissistic?  Hmmmm...
Well as one of my last, eh em, narcissistic acts, before I fully embrace 40 and beyond, I shall prepare to defend myself.  Defend myself before I reach this enlightened state, before the world and its secrets are revealed to me, before I embrace myself and before I don’t care what you think.  Because right now I am in the dark about so many things, I have not been able to fully embrace myself and for better or for worse, I do still care what you think.